I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
