Do you still have your period?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
