I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
