tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
