I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
