I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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