she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
