Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
