What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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