I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
