with your own penis?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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