why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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