people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
