3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
