Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
