It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
