Your dad touched me again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
