I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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