i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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