some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
another moral hangover. fuck.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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