Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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