I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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