I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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