it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
