I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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