All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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