I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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