I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
