His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
