why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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