Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
