Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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