Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
