I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
