I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
