2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
