Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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