haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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