We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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