Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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