Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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