You're so nebulous sometimes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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