Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
