YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
