Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
