Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have fence marks all over my body
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
