She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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