I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
