roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
