I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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