who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
