Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
