its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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