I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
