I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
