just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
