so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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