You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just cropdusted the office
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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