Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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