We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found puke in my bra..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
