But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
