Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
