It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
