She's JV to your varsity
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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