Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
