it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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