Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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