so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't just leave with hair like that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
