She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
